Goodbye Old Paint

Favorite songs right now: Help I’m Alive by Metric and Ambling Alps by Yeasayer.

hope springs eternal

I received a sincere, dizzying rush of relief for a week or so from Eckart Tolle’s “watching the thinker” philosophy, but inevitably, it’s now fading and I’m struggling to keep afloat.  I’ve had all my creative wellsprings damned up, stifled, and I often find it hard to even think.  This is both because of a physical handicap and the despondency it has started festering in me.  I just read books and watch movies.  It’s escapism, but it also gives me other things to think about than the pain in my hands, my dwindling bank account and the depression that comes with realizing you are trapped in a certain situation.

But hope flutters somewhere about.  I’ve started looking at other living situations again, and talking to professionals about my options.  If it all sounds vague and dark, that’s because it is.  But I am the Wizard.  “I just know that something good is gonna happen.  I don’t know when, but just saying it could even make it happen.” - Kate Bush